I have a third son! Oh, how I adore this sweet child already. I’m officially the Mother of Dragons!
Sky Hunter Ramirez was born May 15th at 2:52pm. He’s my first daytime baby! And I swear I manifested that shit—I imagined him being born during the day and talked about how great it would be for me to get a decent night’s sleep, eat a calm breakfast, and then labor can commence… and that’s more or less what happened!
“Due” on Mother’s Day
My due date for sweet baby #3 was May 12th, Mother’s Day (swoon). This was a pretty special due date! And one that we figured would be pretty accurate because we were sure of the date of conception. But! like 95% of moms out there, I didn’t birth my baby on my actual due date (yes, that’s a real statistic! And makes it more amazing that my first baby did come on his due date).
I learned from my last birth (in which Sawyer Surprise was five days “late”), that each day past your due date feels like an absolute eternity, and it’s easy to get overly anxious in those final days, so it’s best to keep yourself gently preoccupied. To avoid that kookiness I experienced last time, this time when we went past my date, I just told myself that baby would be a full week late so there was no point in getting anxious at every sign that labor might start soon. This definitely helped! I also stayed busy by enjoying light cooking projects each day with my toddlers. Nothing crazy. And the freezers were already stocked so it was nothing majorly important. But having something set to do each day and focus on (and something that was fun and productive that I could do with my two littles) was really wonderful in those final days.
Now back to birth!
For about a week leading up to birth, I experienced a couple of contractions each night. They weren’t intense but it was enough that they woke me up! Then the night before birth I woke up with mild contractions like 10 times, so I just knew it was gonna go down the next day! I followed my own advice and went right back to sleep whenever I woke up in the night. I knew I’d need as much energy as I could muster, so no point waking myself up getting all excited prematurely, when it could be many hours or even days before I’d meet my baby.
Pancake breakfast of champions
When I did wake the next morning, I got up extra early, about 5:30am. I was tired but I also had my spidey senses going. I could hear that my hubby was in the bath and our kiddos were still sleeping, and I felt this strong desire to go get in the bath with him. I just knew it would be the “last time” and it felt really important on an energetic level. So, I got out of bed and got in the bathtub with him (not easy when you’re 9.5 months pregnant lol). We enjoyed about 10 mins in there together before the kids were up, but it was really lovely to have a chance to connect just the two of us that morning (honestly, we hardly get any alone time these days so it was pretty special).
Then my husband went off to work. I told him to keep his phone nearby because I thought this would be the day. I also gave my doula a heads up. Then I just kept calm and carried on! I helped my toddlers with their morning routines and the three of us made pancakes together. <3 I don’t think I’ll ever forget standing there in the kitchen with them (both of them standing on their toddler stools around the kitchen island), eating fresh off the press pancakes together as I gently began having more contractions. (Side note-- I can’t help myself— obviously these were healthy pancakes! Mash up bananas with nut butter, eggs, and spices. So good!). We moved to the couch to finish our pancakes and read a few books together. This was one of the most special moments of the day for me, because I knew it would be the last time it was just me and my two boys. I really cherished our morning time together.
Sacred cup of cacao
By 8am I called my hubby and told him to wrap up his day and come home soon. I also started tracking how far apart my contractions were by doing quick screenshots of the time on my phone each time I had one. At 9am our babysitter came over as previously planned (I was getting lots of extra help in those final weeks!) and Ray was just shortly behind her. He contacted the birth team to update them and called my mother to come get our boys. By 11am everyone was gone and our doula was on her way. Those couple of hours just prior to this… the hours of early labor… were interesting. I felt like I wasn’t quite sure what to do with myself! I think if I had known how quick birth would be, I would have acted different, but it was a weird in between time where I wasn’t sure if I should move around and keep myself busy (and enjoy being able to move around still!), or conserve all my energy and go lay down.
A couple things I do remember doing that I really enjoyed: I made myself a special birthing day drink! I made a big cup of hot cacao with the really yummy, expensive nut milk and coconut oil and honey and superfoods and it was so good! Since it was morning time I really wanted a coffee but intuitively I decided not to drink any because I wanted my body and mind to stay calm. Cacao was a perfect treat. (Psst—to this day I am still making hot cacao regularly and it is still my special treat!). I also spent a few minutes tidying up our bedroom and master bathroom. I knew this was where I would be living for the next few weeks so I decided to make it a pretty space! The final task I did was collect all my hypnobirthing supplies (like headphones, phone charger, PDF print outs, etc) so I would be prepared.
My fabulous doula, Victoria, arrived around 11:30am and the birthday party grew. She and Raymond took such good care of me. They made me yummy drinks and snacks (you know me—all into the food scene! Not to be too type A, but I may or may not have printed out specific recipes and done grocery shopping in advance for labor snacks I wanted them to make for me lol She made me ginger labor-aide (full of electrolytes, see it in the photo!), and a ginger mango smoothie (nice for the sensitive birthing stomach). Raymond made a yummy pizza that everyone could enjoy! I had even more snacks prepped for labor but I didn’t get around to them (wild).
Finding power in stillness
As for me, I put my hypnobirthing headphones on and then I was off! We made a perfect little nest for me on the couch with lots of pillows so I just nestled in, got comfy, and totally relaxed. To me, this is what active labor is all about. Relaxing my body (and mind!) as much as possible. With each pressure wave, I “worked” to keep my face relaxed, loosen my hands and feet from any tight grip, and just let the waves wash through me. I made deep moaning sounds instinctively. They just came out, but I think it was also helpful for my birth team to be able to tell when I was having contractions and for how long. Some of the time however, it actually felt better to be completely silent and still during pressure waves. What a pleasant surprise!
My moment of grace
Toward the beginning of active labor, I had myself a good cry. All of a sudden, I felt this extremely deep sense of gratitude shake me to my core. I felt so humbled. I became keenly aware of what a gift it was to carry my sweet baby for the past nine months, and what a gift it was to be able to birth him at home, and then have him in my arms and my life forever after. Victoria and Ray came to sit with me when they saw I was crying and I told them I felt so grateful and that I loved my baby so much. I think being witnessed in this moment was really important too somehow. In hindsight it probably helped transform any feelings of fear (into gratitude). It was my moment of grace where God touched my cheek and whispered, “you’re welcome.”
I hydrated with coconut water to replenish those tears and then I carried on!
As things progressed, birth became a deep meditation for me. I did a lot of visualization during the whole process. I imagined my bright orange hypno-anesthesia light burning, and growing brighter and moving through my body. It was almost like a small sun inside my mind’s eye and my body that was growing and pulsing and guiding me on my journey.
In between contractions (or “pressure waves” as we call them in HypnoBabies), I felt completely fine. I was totally comfortable, I was calm, all was well. Honestly, I was even interacting with my birth team and making jokes! Something about birth puts me in a really good mood… there was a period of time where I did start to feel anxious. I’m not sure if I was nervous about the impending pushing phase (historically, that has been my breaking point! Literally and figuratively), or if I was just starting to feel the energetic intensity of it all. By 12pm or 1pm, my midwife (Justine) and her student midwife who was assisting (Chelsea) were there as well, so I told Justine that I was starting to feel nervous. She was very encouraging, telling me that I got this. I can totally do this. She shook out her body, implying that I too can just shake that off. This definitely helped me. Justine has been my midwife for all three of my babies’ births and we have a real trust between each other. It’s always a birthday party when Justine arrives!
It feels sorta weird to say this, but… I feel like I managed this birth REALLY well. Pressure waves can be fucking intense! But I just kept calm and carried on. I followed my hypnobirthing prompts, relaxed my body soooo much, embraced the deep astrotraveling meditation of it all, and I prayed.
Victoria and Raymond continued to be so helpful. They sat with me at times, and gave me space at other times (later Raymond would tell me that he and Victoria were watching me from the kitchen, saying “she’s doing it! She’s tapping into the hypnosis!”). They rubbed my feet and held my head when I needed it. Raymond helped me make The Great Trek to the bathroom a couple times, which is no easy feat! I kept feeling like I needed to take a shit lol which is definitely a symptom of labor. I don’t think I actually did take a crap during labor, but I definitely had plenty of pees (which is also helpful—a full bladder can make it harder for baby to descend into proper position).
Working out while doing nothing
At one point Raymond came and sat right next to me on the couch (per my request) and I just leaned over on him so we could snuggle and relax. I liked the snuggles but the positioning was not comfy at all so I returned to my solo throne positioning. I considered trying out some other labor positioning (like on the ball or swaying or something), but I really had little interest in moving around! I said out loud multiple times, “this is so exhausting!” Which felt funny because I was literally just sitting there on the couch. Doing absolutely nothing at all. Just riding the waves. And it had only been a few hours. SO PROPS TO ALL THE BIRTHING MAMAS OUT THERE!—Giving birth is physically VERY tiring!! Because of this, all I wanted to do was lay down and listen to my hypno tapes haha
But I haven’t died yet?
Pressure waves continued getting more intense and a very short time later Justine asked if I wanted to get into the tub. I love how gentle midwives are, just making suggestions and offerings, but ultimately letting you have full autonomy and completely steer the ship of your birth. There was no cervical check or anything of that nature, but obviously she was observing me the whole time and she believed I was ready to get in that tub for the next phase.
I thought, no fucking way! It wasn’t possible for me to get ready for the grand finale now because the pressure waves hadn’t pushed me over the edge yet. It had been too short a time. I wasn’t on the brink of death. I literally thought to myself “no way, this is too easy.” What a wild thought!! And I don’t want to give the wrong impression… there was NOTHING about this experience that was easy. But with proper preparation and state of being, I found it to be manageable.
Pants off dance off
I told the team that I didn’t think it was time for me to get into the tub yet. But I did feel like I needed to take a shit (still!), so I’d give that another go. Raymond escorted me to the bathroom and I had yet another pee. During that excursion I had some SUPER intense pressure waves. In a matter of a couple minutes I was back in the living room with everyone, having a hella intense wave (hello, transition!). I was definitely semi screaming vulgarities at this point. I said that I just wanted to lay down for a bit (because I felt so exhausted!). I lay down on the queen mattress we had pulled out onto the living room floor (my intention had been to labor there most of the time, but this was actually the first time I got on it!). As I lay down I instantly had the most intense contraction yet. It surged through my body and I let out some sounds, and then I couldn’t help it… I HAD to push!!! That fucking ring of fire. I yelled out “I’m pushing!” and Victoria immediately started to help take my pants off (I still had pants and undies on!). When you hit that involuntary primal I-must-push-this-baby-out-right-fucking-now point, I don’t think there’s much you can do to stop it.
Clearly it was time for me to get in the tub (Justine was “right” after all!). The team got me up off the bed, got my clothes off, and decided to try to get me into the tub before the next wave hit. Somehow we did it. This part is a slight blurr because it all happened so fast and it was so damn intense. Later someone would say to me, “I have no idea how you were able to get into the tub.” Haha cause yeah it’s hard to do anything during peak pressure waves, let alone waddle-hobble-running my prego ass across the room and climbing into an inflatable pool. Next thing I knew I was in the tub, holding on for dear life (although also feeling slightly better because the warm tub really does feel SO nice during birth and definitely can help “take the edge off” as my midwife puts it).
My unrealized dream come true
My loving husband had gotten in the tub with me right away (he helped me steady my way in!—along with everyone else—it takes a village to get a pregnant lady into a pool). And this is so wild… my dream for all three births was to have Raymond get in the tub with me. Frankly… he was NOT down for it. Haha I had really pushed for it with the first two births and then not much for this one. Well, this time he did it all on his own without me or anyone saying anything! And because I was in another dimension at the time, I didn’t even realize! I had no idea he was actually in the tub with me. I was aware of his presence being right there with me as I birthed our baby, but I didn’t notice that I was finally getting my dream of having my man in there with us. Ha!
Once I was in the tub, I think I had two or three contractions where I was kinda getting my bearings. I was in a natural squatting position, not really trying to push but kinda pushing a little as I instinctively felt things out. I was shaky, and my headphones kept falling down which made it hard to follow along to my hypno track. The midwife assistant held a mirror under the water so that I could look and I could see the top of my little baby’s head. He was crowning already! I could feel the top of his soft head with my hand.
It was polar opposite from the pushing phase of my previous two births because this time I knew baby was close right away. As a point of reference, I pushed for four hours with Koda, and pretty much almost died, and then pushed for the longest 30 minutes ever with Sawyer. During both experiences I felt kinda lost and like I couldn’t grasp exactly how to push my baby out. The pushing phase was always super challenging for me (it just comes “naturally” to many women, but it was always hard for me), so for this reason I had done a fair amount of pushing prep ahead of time. I practiced with my pelvic floor therapist and also discussed it with my birth team. My plan was to relax and open my pelvic floor (I tend to have a tighter pelvic floor), and breathe my baby out. We were calling it “the French press.” INHALE—deep diaphragmatic breath and breathe into your pelvic floor, inflating it like a ball (I always imagined one of those clear plastic hamster balls from childhood). And EXHALE—keep everything relaxed, open, elongated, and gently yet powerfully use my abs and core to push down like a french press to push baby right on out. No “vagina pushing.” No tearing required this time (jokes!). The plan was also for me to be mentally prepared for pushing to potentially take a while this time. To plan on 30 solid minutes of pushing so it could be a very gentle process that this time hopefully would not sustain any injuries (first birth was a 3rd degree tear, borderline 4th degree. Second birth was a 2nd degree tear, borderline 3rd). So my plan had been to really try and mitigate the risk of having that happen again with gentle, relaxed pushing and just being okay with it taking a while, even though by that point in the process I think most all mamas are ready to evict that baby ASAP!
Well, guess what… I was only in the tub for a total of four minutes before I peacefully birthed my baby. :)
Breathing baby out
There was no screaming bloody murder. No brink of death. Just peaceful letting my baby come out into this world.
I semi-absentmindedly practiced my pelvic floor opening (and I think pushed a little but wasn’t even purposefully trying), and his head came out. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!!!?? The moment I had been SO ANXIOUS about for months was finally upon us and I was TOTALLY ROCKING IT!
Once baby’s head was out, my confidence skyrocketed. Bodily sensations were at an all time high but I stayed the course, very calmly. With the next pressure wave, I did the same gentle breathing/pushing and he slipped right on out. My hubby caught him under water and brought him up to the surface and into the air where he took his first breath. He and Justine helped guide baby to my chest and into my arms. And then I had done it!!! I was holding my sweet tiny baby in my arms at last. I felt completely amazed at myself and at this tiny human. I swept my headphones off my head and let them fall to ground behind me as I looked up at Ray. He had the biggest smile on his face. Pure bliss.
Sacred strip club
The next few minutes could have lasted hours or mere seconds—I have no idea! I was in baby land. I stared at Sky as I cuddled him, kissed him, and rubbed his sweet birthday frosting (vernix) into his skin. I lifted his leg to check his junk and make sure he was a boy—the ultrasound had been wrong with baby Sawyer and we were expecting a girl! Sky was a boy after all. :) The birth team did their checks listening to his lungs and what not. Victoria adorned the tub with extra floating flowers, tossing them in like she was sliding bills at a sacred strip club. I felt like a queen. At some point around now was when I realized that Raymond was in the tub with me! I was shocked and so happy! We enjoyed a few minutes of cuddling together in the water and staring at our sweet little baby, before Ray was ready to get out. Thanks, Ray, for doing that for me!
This is how we do it— birth can be a party!
Sky nursed and latched on like a little champ right away. Victoria popped the champagne, mixed in some elderberry and we all cheersed together around the tub!! #EPIC Some time later I birthed the placenta and we put it in a bowl to float next to me so baby could stay attached for a long time. It was so relaxing and joyful to just chill in that tub. Chelsea came up and wiped my nose because I “had some mac on it!” aka meconium (baby’s first poop on the inside) that had been stuck to the tip of my nose since I was first kissing him. Isn’t that adorable in the weirdest way? Victoria hand fed me some chocolate covered strawberries that were divine. #QUEEN!!! (side note- I definitely devoured the entire rest of the box in bed that night).
When I had had my fill of the birth tub, Raymond held baby boy and I climbed out (with plenty of help from others!) and made my way into bed. Oh, glorious bed! Victoria had fixed up the bedroom so the bed was made with a protective plastic sheet underneath (in case of blood stains, or any kind of stains for that matter! Newborn life tends to be very messy and leaky with pee, poop, milk, sweat, and tears), as well as our older set of sheets. She had tidied up the space a bit more and made it very inviting. She brought me a pitcher of water infused with fresh chamomile flowers, sage, and blueberries. Just lovely.
Then Victoria headed off to fix me a special post birth meal and the rest of the team came into the bedroom to do the newborn exam. We found that sweet little Sky was my tiniest baby yet! A mere 6lb 5oz—precious little thing. (Sawyer had been 8lb 7oz! Yikes.)
And what about mama?
After ensuring baby was perfect and healthy, it was time for my exam. At first Justine thought I had made it through unscathed, but after examining it was determined that I had a mild second-degree tear. Again, so much progress compared to my first two births! We discussed whether or not I would do sutchers this time and I decided not to. I did the first few times, when the tear was more severe and it felt more necessary, but I’ve also learned from firsthand experience that getting sewn up right after birth isn’t the most fun thing ever and moreover having to deal with stitches in the weeks after birth is less than ideal. They can get a little itchy and irritated. And the whole process involves pulling on your precious, VERY tender skin, so if it can be avoided then I’m all for that (and if it can’t, that’s okay too!). I’m happy to say that I healed up just fine and dandy without it. Yay! Aftercare that helped make that happen was keeping my legs closed as much as possible for several weeks, daily sitz baths for a month, and eating a really healthy diet with tons of glycine.
Speaking of food, Victoria brought me a glorious feast of baked white fish (a traditional Native American first food after birth), pureed buttered acorn squash with pine nuts, potatoes and greens fried with sage, and honey from a friend’s hive that she infused with rose hips collected by the creek. SO AMAZING!!!! This was another one that we planned out together in advance and then she blew it out of the water with her delivery and special touches. I think more people should put love and attention into that first meal after birth because it can be a very special, healing thing.
I suppose the whole grand finale of the day occurred a few hours later when my two toddlers (Koda—3.5 yo and Sawyer—2 yo) came back home for an hour to meet their new baby brother (before going back to the grandparents to spend the night). Koda burst through the front door asking where his new baby brother was and literally RAN down the hallway and into our room to see him. He was SO excited!!! He had the hugest smile on his face and it was absolutely precious in every way. Sawyer was also excited, though it didn’t seem to register or hit him as hard (oh but you know it did in coming weeks!). Both brothers got a chance to hold baby and give him kisses and from then on out, we’ve been a happy little family of five. <3
Key take aways from THIS birth (my personal views)
-Birth can be whatever you make it. And also, be flexible.
-Just because something happened during a previous birth doesn’t mean it will happen again. This is a new baby and a totally new birthing experience.
-We have nothing to be afraid of. Birth isn’t scary. It’s normal to feel a bit nervous or anxious about it beforehand (or maybe even during), but if you can stay present and just take one motion at a time, each new step is doable (as proof— just look! you’re doing it!). It’s intense but it’s not scary.
-You’re invited to make your birth extra beautiful. Enhance it with fun, sacred things that make you feel good. Like my laborade drink in a fancy glass, burning amber and cedar, spraying hydrosols, special blankets, special clothes (I bought a special new bra just for this birth! and wore my favorite cozy sweater at the start). Prep a special meal to eat afterward. Make a birth altar and decorate your space. Sometimes the little, seemingly unimportant things can really enhance the experience and be enough to shift things back to the positive when the going gets tough.
-It’s important to process your birthing experience afterwards. Even if it’s the quickest, smoothest experience possible, SERIOUS SHIT HAS STILL GONE DOWN, MY FRIEND. It’s a big fucking deal!! I had some mixed feelings after this birth because the whole experience didn’t break me open in quite the same way as it did before (in all it was… well… “easier”). While this would seem like the ideal situation, it was actually hard for me to grasp afterward and I had unsettled feelings about it. It’s all valid. Feel all your feels, mama. And process your experience in some way. Talk about it with a trusted loved one. Write about it, like I’m doing now! I don’t know if it’s because this was my third baby in a row, but hardly anyone asked me about my experience after this birth. Hardly anyone asked me to tell my birth story. BUT IT MUST BE TOLD. This is part of the healing. And that’s why I’m writing this. :) THANK YOU FOR WITNESSING ME!
If this is resonating with you, I welcome you to share your birth story with someone, or write it out as I have here. Or make some other form of art about it. It doesn’t matter if it’s been years since you birthed and the details are a little fuzzy. And it’s okay if it’s a traumatic story as well. Birth is sacred and needs to be shared.
MUCH LOVE TO YOU ALL!!!!