Well, after three years of dodging the bullet, it finally happened. We got Covid. My husband, two year old (Koda), seven month old (Sawyer), and I were all one big sick family. I guess it was just our time!
It definitely sucked, although our experience wasn’t as rough as many others out there. The only truly concerning part was looking out for our babies during the first 36 hours. Sawyer had a temperature of 102 for two nights in a row. He got super lethargic (like constantly appeared to be on the verge of passing out) and had a fast heart beat… my poor baby! Thankfully we are all on the mend now and approaching full recovery.
While there wasn’t a whole lot about the past week that can be categorized as “positive,” I did have one very cool experience during our bout of Covid….
A few days ago (during the thick of it) I was taking care of Sawyer who wasn’t doing well. You could tell he felt awful and I was watching him like a hawk. I took him into our bedroom and laid him down to side lie nurse and cuddle with him. I told him that I’d stay with him the whole time he needed to rest and I’d always take care of him.
And then I had a flashback to the very early weeks postpartum, where Sawyer and I were basically in the same position, in the same exact place, and I was telling him the same exact thing. And I had this incredible wave of peace and love wash over my body. I could literally feel the love and that new mama energy move through me. I remembered the complete postpartum feeling of being captivated by my baby. I LOVED that postpartum feeling of knowing that there was no where else in the entire world that I should be other than right there next to him bed, resting. Knowing that my body was being tested but that I could do it. Having faith that I would recover, and that every day my baby would grow stronger too. Feeling like I would do anything I had to to protect by little baby and take the best care of him (while also taking care of myself). Feeling absolute timelessness. My job was to be a mama lounge cat. Just take it easy. Reeeeest. Enjoy the snuggles. Look at the gentle light creeping in through the curtains. Feel contentment just watching my baby breathe, and knowing its a miracle.
Tired, out of it, sore, and exceptionally cautious/worried for my baby? —Oh yes. But still also blissed out in that unique way that perhaps only a new mother can relate to.
My recollection of the complete postpartum feeling was so comparable to how I felt in that moment lying with Sawyer during Covid. The memory of our postpartum time together gave me so much JOY and strength when I needed it most. Perhaps it was a reminder of how we’ve been tested before and we overcame. We are strong in our softness! Or just a reminder that to simply be alive is magical. Either way, in that moment my prior postpartum experience became my medicine. I stopped feeling worried about my Covid baby and started to really be present and ENJOY our time together resting in bed.
And it got me thinking…
As mothers, we can draw upon this postpartum energy when we need it during our lives. If it’s happy times that remind us of that, or like in my case, the worst of times that also reminds us of that. Some people say that postpartum is forever. I can believe this… and I definitely believe that postpartum energy lasts forever. It can be a beautiful, powerful, healing energy that you can call upon and weave into your journey through motherhood.
This also makes me think about how important the postpartum time period is for new mothers. Not everyone gets a blissful experience. When I think about my first postpartum with Koda… the first thing I think about is sobbing with him on the big bouncy ball, feeling so much pain and sorrow, just trying to survive another hour. It’s not all rainbows and butterflies. But the more we can support other mothers during their postpartum and do what’s needed to support ourselves during our own postpartum, the more healing there is that takes place. And as my experience has shown, this healing not only takes place immediately after birth, but can continue long after and sometimes when you least suspect it.
What a gift it is to be a mother…
That’s all for now folks. Thanks for listening to my story. It still makes me happy every time I think about it! :)
Feel free to share below
Have you ever had an experience similar to this? Ever had a postpartum flashback?
How can we help support the new mothers in our community so that postpartum can become medicine?
xoxo Mama Clare